my wedding day, my synopsis...

So I didn’t have this blog when the wedding transpired (September 2010) or during the process of planning (and idea/inspiration compiling) - unfortunately. But as I’ve just recently received the pictures from W day, I thought I’d write a bit about how it all went down (from my perspective)!

THE DAWN

The morning of the wedding, I awoke at the crack of dawn (actually BEFORE the crack of dawn) and felt relatively normal. I had that little hint of a knot of anticipation, similar to when you wake up to go on a trip really early in the morning and everything seems very surreal and out of place with your normal day to day. Gathered my friends up who were sleeping downstairs and off we were to the salon to get our hair did (after a much needed coffee run of course). Once there, again it was just a matter of going through the motions, the only weirdness stemmed from the darkness and stillness outside. It felt sort of like the calm before the storm, and totally surreal in the sense that it didn't feel like the day was a culmination of my being or something, as people sometimes make wedding days seem or what some people expect them to live up to. It felt like any other day but not any other day at the same time. An abnormal normalcy?! I'm not even quite sure how to describe it.

THE HOUSE

When we got back to the house, it felt like time started to speed up illogically fast and almost cartoon-like all around me, although I sort of felt stationary and observant, it was almost out of body-like. Everything was going on around me and all of a sudden everyone was in a mad rush to get ready and there didn’t seem to be enough time for anything, all the while I was sitting around in my room solo waiting to put on my bridal attire - as said attire and accessories and everything were being photographed. Plus when you’re planning a wedding, you spend so much time and attention on all of those meticulous little details and how they flow and come together that you want them to be showcased and remembered, so chilling solo was I while that was taking place.

Anyhoo, for some reason though, I had this notion that I’d be tra-la-la-ing about the house in the morning, floating around in my big white dress as if on a big white cloud of pure unabashed happiness. All the while being graceful and elegant and waving to my family and friends like some fairy tale princess-on-display or something (literally, my dream-like vision included those little Cinderella-esque multicolored birds circling around me chirping away a joyous and cheerful disney tune). Instead, by the time I actually was fully dressed and the obligatory photographs were taken, it was time to hit the road and get moving to the Church! That being said, all of the photographs taken in front of the Juliet balcony in my room, really made me look and feel like that princess-on-display. The lighting was so delicately gorgeous coming in through the trees that it gave an almost ethereal glow to the happy nervous excitement in the air. There was a beautiful light, natural, and genuine feeling to the whole thing, and the photographs in those moments are a literal interpretation to these emotive happenings.

THE CHURCH

And then the seemingly endless voyage to the Church began. I was in the limo with my Mom and Dad, and my cousins Anton and Adrian. It was a beautiful day in late September (and I believe it was also one of the weekends of the Toronto International Film Festival) and we were heading downtown so there was a fair amount of traffic and I was getting antsy to have the Church portion of the day, the main event if you will, be over and done with so I could breathe. Hence the seemingly endless voyage comment. But it did end and we did get there and we were good to go. 

I was fairly nervous, I think it was more from anticipation than anything else, because up until then it had felt a lot like a big waiting game and like I was sort of twiddling my thumbs while everyone else was doing stuff around me. I was ready to get the show on the road and well, obviously, get MARRIED. The nervousness subsided the closer we got to the inside of the Church, even with the ominous walk down the aisle looming. Especially with the limo driver taking it upon himself to fix and fluff my veil behind me and give me some tidbits on walking down the aisle and timing and things of that nature. The fact that he was still there (as he was only booked to drive me and my accompaniers to the Church and that’s it) and was so giddy and excited and enthusiastic for me, hanging around behind me and my Dad and wishing us luck, made for a surprisingly humorous moment before the ultimate BIG moment. So with the limo driver’s unexpected words of encouragement my Dad and I were off!

For someone who was a blubbery emotional mess for the majority of the morning, my Dad was relatively composed for the walk down the aisle. And therefore, thankfully, so was I. I did not want to launch into the  “ugly”-uncontrollable-contorted-face cry, no siree! I think we were both probably just more surprised to see the amount of people at the Church. I know I definitely was not expecting such a turn out, nowadays it seems only a handful of people show up for the actual ceremony and purpose of the whole hullabaloo, it was very special and heartwarming to see. As we were walking on down we were musically accompanied to the tune of Ave Maria on violin courtesy of my beautiful cousin/Junior Bridesmaid Anne-Sophie, another personal touch of specialness that made my heart very full. At the end of the aisle, my Dad took my hand and gave it to Rob, which was a sweet little moment in itself, even though it sort of has ancient ties to transferring ownership of the woman or something – but ignoring that :). 

And at that point it’s like every portion of my insides sighed a colossal united sigh of relief, because the real point and purpose of the day was finally there and this was it, the moment of truth. From then on it felt like it was just me and Rob, Rob and me, everything else was almost like white noise. I wasn’t nervous or scared, I felt like this was the moment I’d been coming to since we’d been together, I felt like all our collective moments had always been coming to this exact one, that everything had led us to exactly here, exactly now. It all came together and all clicked and all carried on the way it felt it was always supposed to. And we were finally husband and wife! !

Overall though, the whole godly portion of the day was a great experience and a peaceful moment of reflecting on what the whole intent and meaning of the day was for in the first place, because sometimes everything else can become distracting and deter from the what and why of the whole thing. At the same time, I was very glad it was over (as you can see)! 

PICTURE TAKING INTERLUDE

After grabbing a quick bite at the luncheon downstairs in the hall of the Church, and trying not to spill anything on the mass of white just calling to be spilled upon that was wrapping my body, as well as a much aided and strategic trip to the ladies, we were off on the limo bus with bridal party in tow for our photos at Erchless Estates in Oakville. The clearest part that I remember from the limo ride is that I was sitting at the back of the bus and became nauseous pretty quickly. Of course, it didn't help that I had about 5000 bobby bins piercing into my scalp giving me a dizzying headache and a floor length veil also strapped in there. By the time we got to the photo locale, I was breathing easier to get outside by the lake in the beautiful warm sunshiney day! The picture taking was fun (as well as a nice light-hearted break from all the formality and pretense that the rest of the day can sometimes hold) and like I said the weather was beautiful so that helped make for a lovely time all around.

As the "theme" of the wedding was Croatian nautical, taking photos somewhere on the waterfront (even if it couldn't be the Adriatic itself) was beyond important for me, it set the tone for everything. Again, thankfully the weather cooperated or otherwise it just wouldn't have been the same (and admittedly a detail freak like me would have had a hernia just at the thought of settling for anything less). So with blue skies and blue "seas", we embarked on our picture-taking voyage. Ahoy!

THE HALL/PARTY

It seemed like that as soon as we got to the hall it was time to assume position to tackle that receiving line. While there were parts of the day that seemed slow as they were happening, there were other times when everything felt as if it was on fast forward. The whole day seemed like examples of impossibly (yet totally possibly) being two things at the very same time, fast and slow, peaceful and chaotic, nervous and calm, stop and go, here and there. 

We were rushed to take some family portraits, we had told family members that if they wanted their glamour shot with us they had to show up at a certain time when we would have a small window before the next onslaught of activity. Unfortunately not all family showed up on time to get their portrait squeezed in, and as the saying goes "you snooze, you lose". 

I was glad to be able to have some pictures with my family, as they are very much a part of my life and we are small and close knit. It meant a lot to me to be able to have everyone there and very present in the day. It was especially meaningful to have my maternal grandmother there, as she had been battling cancer for many years and was quite ill (she later passed in February of this year). But on that day you wouldn't have known in the slightest that she was sick because she was beaming from ear to ear and literally glowing with happiness and pride. Part of me thinks that she tried very hard to stay healthy and make it for that day (it was 2 years in the making after all), and I was scared for a long time that she wouldn't be there. But I am very thankful that she was and that I have such a beautiful memory of such a beautiful woman. This was the best gift that was given for my wedding day. To have all four of my grandparents there is something that is beyond words.

Before the receiving line onslaught began, which seemed almost instantaneously upon arrival (even though it wasn't quite), I didn't even get a chance to take a peek around the hall and ensure my carefully laid details and plans had been executed correctly. I had been forewarned by other brides that there is no time for such things on the day-of and that you've got to let go at that point and just let loose the reigns to whoever can grab hold. And even though I didn't love the idea of this, I literally had no choice as there was no time and I had a bigger role to play in being the bride and "star of the show". I had to eventually just let it be and enjoy the moment instead of the visual picture of the moment as I had imagined in my head. What's done is done, as they say. However, that's what photographs are for and here is some of the nautical-ness in action:

all tables had numbers as well as names, each table was named after an island in Croatia and each placecard was held in place by a pebble characteristic of the rocky beaches of the Croatian coast

our guestbook was a photo book comprised of our waterfront engagement photos

favor boxes were wrapped in ribbon with the main colours of navy and red, inside they held a licitar heart, which are ornamental Croatian gifts often given at celebrations such as weddings as a token of affection and a symbol of love (the licitars were also used as the main symbol of our wedding invitations and carried throughout the day)

the tables were navy and white, with the island name signage also in navy and white and candle-lit lantern centerpieces 

lantern centerpieces all aglow 

some traditional Croatian tamburica music for the receiving line and cocktail hour

our handmade moneybox incorporating the licitar heart as well as lace symbolic of the handmade lace from the island of Pag in Croatia where my husband's family is from

The receiving line began and the onslaught of people trickled in without pause. My poor mother-in-law made it through the receiving line (and day for that matter) even though she had kidney stones and was half alive. Yet she put on a brave face and no one and no thing was going to make her miss her son's wedding! The receiving line eventually ended, and I had kissed so many people and smiled so much that my face literally hurt and I had broken out into a rash. I blame all the bearded men out there who scratched the heck out of my delicate skin! It was not pretty, my face was on fire. But the show must go on and we needed to get our guests fed with some grub, meaning we had to make our grand entrance and get the partay started.

Originally, I had been fearful of the prospect of having to make an entrance, I'm not the type to make entrances. And I hate having all eyes on me and being the center of attention (sort of makes me wonder why I did the whole ginormous wedding to begin with, but anyway). But to be honest, it wasn't that bad, even for introverted ol' me. It was exciting and fun, I was happy. And I had Rob with me, so anything that we do together is easier when we have each other. We walked in there, Rob did his airplane dance move, and then we danced to our nautical themed first dance about a sailor going off to sea and his love he left behind, with a sarcastic humorous edge.

And finally it was time to eat! WHICH I did not. It's not that I didn't want to, and I did sample and pick here and there. But my stomach was still pent up in knots. I wasn't nervous but I just couldn't stomach anything (not even alcohol unfortunately - yes I was stone cold sober on w day, stone cold). It felt like the rest of me had slowed down and relaxed but my stomach was left behind somewhere in the pre-wedding-anxiety-abyss. .

After that, the night pretty much went by in a wonderfully blurry blur and I quite honestly had the time of my life. I've never felt happier and more full with gratitude and love for all the people, and moments, and memories that occurred on that day. I feel very blessed and can't believe that it came and went so quickly, especially when at some points it felt as if the day would never come. But it definitely lived up to all my dreams and expectations, because ultimately I got to marry my love Rob and celebrate that with all the much loved people in our lives. 

Yes indeed, a joyous occasion was most definitely had by all! Can't wait to never do it again :) !

[all images by Christian Badanjak Photography]