9/11 is depressing

Like mucho depressing.

I know it was a horrible and tragic day/event. I remember it clearly myself, the whole “where-was-I-when-IT-happened thing”, how scared I was and how up in the air everything was. I remember I thought WW3 was starting, and in a way many subsequent wars did start and our world will never be the same. And I remember the cloud of dust as the most ingrained in my memory, the rushing cloud of dust chasing people down. That always gives me the chills.

But Sunday night, watching the multitude of 9/11 specials on TV (because there was pretty much nothing else on), was like slitting my wrists, i.e. self inflicted pain. And all I could think was WHY am I doing this to myself? And yet I’m glued to the TV, with a box of tissues conversely glued in hand. What gets to me is the families, their loss, and their trapped and doomed loved ones’ fear of knowing they’re going to die. And all of that which gets to me was culminated in the documentary of “9/11:Phone Calls from the Towers”. Probably the most heart-wrenching, crumpled-tear-soaked-Kleenex-ing, puffy-eyed 9/11 documentary I’ve watched in the anniversaries in the last 10 years. It wreaked havoc on my emotional psyche to say the least, like machine gunned down and pulverized my emotional psyche. Because it was real. It wasn’t re-enactments or personal interviews, it was actual people’s voices from inside the towers, people who are no longer living, whose bodies were pulverized, never mind my emotional psyche.

So note to self: Yes, 9/11 is tragic and not to be forgotten, but DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT, watch anymore 9/11 documentaries. Don’t forget and don’t remember.

[Side note - the picture is a collage I made in 2001, meant to show a universal darkness, sadness, and fear, sorry for the poor image quality]