What to Expect Post Expecting - According to Moi

Just to keep it real.

• The term "sleep like a baby" is a load of crap. Babies are LOUD when they sleep. Leo sounded like a grunting squealing restless creature of the night in the beginning, not anything like a peaceful babe in slumber. I can't even count how many times I went to check on him thinking he was was awake and/or something was wrong when really he was still asleep. One second arms and legs flailing, making a ruckus, the next still and quiet and more literally sleeping like a baby.
• Immediately post birthing I walked like Frankenstein for about a week. I knew I would be in pain, but not that I would have to walk like that. It was ROUGH.
• You still look about 4 months pregnant after giving birth. I knew my uterus wouldn't just instantaneously shrivel back to size and that I wouldn't walk out of there looking like a celebrity post baby version of myself. But I didn't quite expect the floppy squishy leftover mess of a stomach situation.
• On the other hand, I also didn't expect how quickly my uterus did shrivel back to size and how within a month I at least resembled a non pregnant person, though a lil rounder around the edges than before. Spare tire anyone?
• Also, you lose a major chunk of the pregnancy weight in one fell swoop. Especially when your baby was almost 10 lbs. Then there's placenta and fluid and that kinda grossness. So you're left with that pesky 5-10 pounds hanging around your mid section that you actually have to work at to eliminate. 
• I got teary a lot. Middle of the night cry fests with myself. Not postpartum depression level of waterworks or anything. But you're exhausted and it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But the light shines through sooner than you think.
• You will get asked more times than you can possibly imagine if you've "got milk?"
• You will be surprised, relieved, and slightly horrified by how many google search results you get back for "dropping iPhone on baby's head".
• Gassy sleepy smiles will get you through the worst of the beginning of babydom.
• Breastfeeding is a 24/7 commitment and harder than you think you know.
• Sleep is forever lost. Or so it seems at this point.
• I developed something called "Mommy's wrist" which really hurts. It's from using your wrist in ways you never have before and supporting the weight of a baby, especially a chubster like mine.
• Everyone has an opinion. You will perfect the art of the smile and nod.
• Everything is trial and error in the beginning. There is no right or wrong.
• Despite the exhaustion, after putting your baby to sleep, you will need to put yourself to sleep. Easier said than done, especially when you throw some new mom anxiety into the mix.
• My first emotion post birthing was relief.
• It's not necessarily love at first sight with your newborn. You need to get to know each other and the love grows from there.
• You will resent your husband at one time or another.
• You will feel hot all the time. Like fat man in a sauna kinda hot.
• You will become a morning person.
• You could stare at the thing that came out of you day in and day out in pure amazement and wonder.

That's that.